Patience is Key

Over the course of my relationship with Lady Poe, I have learned a lot about mental wellness. My primary focus though, has been borderline personality disorder, also known as bpd. I do not yet know if there are certain levels or seasons, time of day or trigger phrases, biological catalysts or memories, that may unleash my least favorite symptom - intense anger. I have said in a podcast episode (which are coming back soon - even if I do them solo), that at times it seems Lady Poe has no such condition. I do not know what happens to cause the sort of remission I have witnessed but it doesn't last very long. There are short glimpses throughout the day, everyday, that I see the disorder come through to the surface, breaking out into this breathable world. I am not sure if Lady Poe has to actively suppress or if she is naturally not that angry but goes from 0-60 by a trigger. I do not know if she is fully cognizant of her actions and words when these glimpses occur. I have taught myself to reach another level of patience. I know it is something that will be fleeting. I know we will return to our episode of "From". I know we will go back to our little game of jabs that make us both laugh until one of us, usually me, goes to far.

Patience is key. She has shown patience for me in all my shortcomings, and there are many. The difference is that I can control mine. Mine are not diagnoses but poor choices, borderline obnoxious disorder. I have been told recently I am a man-child. Agreed. I have no excuse. The list of flaws is long.

However, we are in a relationship. We have played out all the scenarios in our heads. We have our own world, separate from everyone else, alien to all but us. We have our own language in the form of gestures, comments, and actions. If someone within earshot hears us talking to each other, they might assume we are arguing until they hear the laughter. To get to the laughter one must have patience. Patience is key.